Sorry about all the zombie posts lately* – I guess I’ve got zombies on the brain! Get it? Brain? ‘Cause zombies eat brains? Nevermind.
Anyway, John and I have been watching “The Walking Dead” lately on Netflix, and I realized last night that it’s startling how little the writers of this show have really thought through the zombie apocalypse.
I mean – there’s this scene where they’re at camp, and two women are at a makeshift table with their kids reading or studying or something. READING. Sure, go ahead & relax guys. Take a break from your humdrum life of survival. I mean, it’s not like zombies are going to just creep up and attack you while you’re sleeping.
And guess what. SPOILER ALERT: They TOTALLY DO. You know what’s more important to teach your kids during the zombie apocalypse? I dunno – maybe how to shoot a rifle? How to trap rabbits so that they can fucking eat? How to gut a fish? How to find water when it all runs out? How to set up a fucking perimeter around their camp that’s NOT FORTIFIED AT ALL and totally in the middle of nowhere so that they can hear the zombies coming in the middle of the night when they’re completely asleep and dreaming of sugarplums and rainbows and fucking unicorns??
Maybe I’m being a bit harsh. But hey, it’s the fucking APOCALYPSE people. The ones who are going to make it aren’t sitting around twiddling their thumbs trying to figure out how to pass the time. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO DURING THE APOCALYPSE!! Build a fort! Collect firewood! Kill a squirrel for crying out loud!
Shit, even in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves they knew that moving their houses up into the trees would be an advantage to them. I bet zombies can’t climb trees very well. And that “totally real” story took place in fucking medieval times. But I guess this is how the iPhone has ruined us – we can’t even figure out how to make a tree fort anymore without an app to get us started.
Honestly, I’m a bit surprised these characters have made it this far.
*I’m not actually sorry about writing about zombies all the time. You gotta know about this shit if you’re gonna be prepared, people.