The Walking Dead – TOTALLY unrealistic

Sorry about all the zombie posts lately* – I guess I’ve got zombies on the brain!  Get it?  Brain?  ‘Cause zombies eat brains?  Nevermind.

Anyway, John and I have been watching “The Walking Dead” lately on Netflix, and I realized last night that it’s startling how little the writers of this show have really thought through the zombie apocalypse.

We've got guns and a baseball bat. That'll be enough, right?

I mean – there’s this scene where they’re at camp, and two women are at a makeshift table with their kids reading or studying or something.  READING.  Sure, go ahead & relax guys.  Take a break from your humdrum life of survival.  I mean, it’s not like zombies are going to just creep up and attack you while you’re sleeping.

Oh wait...yes they will. THEY'RE FUCKING ZOMBIES.

And guess what.  SPOILER ALERT: They TOTALLY DO.  You know what’s more important to teach your kids during the zombie apocalypse?  I dunno – maybe how to shoot a rifle?  How to trap rabbits so that they can fucking eat?  How to gut a fish?  How to find water when it all runs out?  How to set up a fucking perimeter around their camp that’s NOT FORTIFIED AT ALL and totally in the middle of nowhere so that they can hear the zombies coming in the middle of the night when they’re completely asleep and dreaming of sugarplums and rainbows and fucking unicorns??

Maybe I’m being a bit harsh.  But hey, it’s the fucking APOCALYPSE people.  The ones who are going to make it aren’t sitting around twiddling their thumbs trying to figure out how to pass the time. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO DURING THE APOCALYPSE!!  Build a fort!  Collect firewood!  Kill a squirrel for crying out loud!

Shit, even in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves they knew that moving their houses up into the trees would be an advantage to them.  I bet zombies can’t climb trees very well.  And that “totally real” story took place in fucking medieval times.  But I guess this is how the iPhone has ruined us – we can’t even figure out how to make a tree fort anymore without an app to get us started.

God, camping is fun. I only wish it wasn't so boring! If only we had something to do to prevent ourselves from getting killed by zombies!

Honestly, I’m a bit surprised these characters have made it this far.

*I’m not actually sorry about writing about zombies all the time.  You gotta know about this shit if you’re gonna be prepared, people.


8 thoughts on “The Walking Dead – TOTALLY unrealistic

  1. WRONG. Most of the characters so far are just normal people, they don’t know shit on how to survive a zombie apocalypse until further seasons when they all start to understand what is really going on as well as each other. Jon Bernthal’s character Shane Walsh is the reason why the show is in realistic, he WANTS it to be realistic. He wants everybody to protect themselves and not to be shooting the breeze in the middle of the night. Trust me, it’s going to get grittier later on. The first season’s just an appetizer -_-

    • Yah, I get what you’re saying. And I’m sure I’ll be thrilled with the other seasons too.
      But don’t just say “WRONG”, because I’m still RIGHT about the characters being dumb about it. So there. Bitch.

  2. Jesus Fucking Christ, finally some one with a good point.
    But you forgot the Fucking worst parts of this show, why is the bitch ironing the closes? Jeez, this must be truly American fucking behaviour, even I don’t iron my t-shirts, and I am not in the middle of a Zombie Apocalypse. By the way, where the hell did she get a 100 year old iron?
    You know what? They are in a Fucking Camping for some holidays. Even Lost is 1000 times more realistic than this shitty show.
    “Oh grandpa, why don’t you have any wrapping paper in your fucking camping car? It is so important to wrap my gift in the middle of an Apocalypse, whilst we are nearly starving.”
    “Oh guys look I build a 50 centimetre tall wall around our fire place!”
    Fucking genius, do you want a medal?
    And don’t tell me shit about “they are normal people”, common sense is normal. They don’t have ANY common sense, they are fucking stupid as shit, whiny, pussy and bitchy unemployed red-neck idiots. An I am sure even those kind of people would know how to build a perimeter. Seriously, did you ever see a Zombie jump? No than build a fucking trench a flood it, instead of digging useless holes in the garden.
    Jeez this show makes me mad, it has the stupidest people ever, those are the ones responsible for the spread of aids and other STDs.

    A normal person.

    • Wow! You’re an angry elf!

      Anyway I agree on most counts. I forgot about the ironing!! Holy shitsnacks!! That’s the most ridiculous thing ever. Yah, let’s make sure our clothes look lovely and neat WHILE THE ZOMBIES EAT US. Reeeeedonk.

      I hope that your comment about the spread of Aids & such weren’t gay bashing, because that’s not cool. However, if you meant that people are stupid for thinking that they can rape people to cure their aids, then I’d agree. Those people suck. And need to be the first killed by zombies.

  3. Completely agree! I mean is there no high ground at all in Georgia? Zombies can’t even climb a fucking hill. The show lacks complete common sense not to mention it has terrible character development and a cliche villain with a fucking eyepatch! What pisses me off even more is that they have some guns, they know how to kill the zombies but everytime they go out on a “run” there is no strategy. They just walk into a places blindly and someone always dies. But there seems to be no strategy in anything they do.

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