Some things should NOT be transparent

I am very particular about my coffee mugs.
Sometimes I feel like using the big tall one that John got me in Arizona.  Sometimes I like my big soup-bowl-style mug that I bought for wayyy too much money at Anthropologie.  Sometimes I want to use my Big Hug Mug.

But I NEVER want to use a clear coffee mug.

YUCK.

I don’t know.  There’s something about it that’s just WRONG.
You shouldn’t SEE the sides of your coffee.  It’s startling.  It’s like looking directly into the eyes of your future and not liking what you see.  Well, maybe not that scary but I still don’t like it.

If someone tries to give me coffee in a clear mug, I will ask for a mug-change.  If they don’t have any other non-see-through mugs, I won’t really want the coffee anymore.  Oh, I’ll still drink it (c’mon now, I’m not so high-maintenance as to waste a perfectly good cup of coffee), but I will shudder every moment I lift that shiny translucent cup to my lips.  Uck.

I like solid beautiful walls of cup surrounding my coffee in a big ceramic hug of wonderfulness.  It’s comforting.  It just feels RIGHT.

I never thought I’d come across anything that made me feel more uncomfortable and awkward than a clear coffee cup.

And then I found this:

HOLY. FUCKING. HELL.

I shudder in horror.

You can even buy them here.  They come with free rainbow socks, as pictured.  Of course they do.

If you do decide to make this purchase though, please be aware that I will go out of my way to ignore you the next time we hang out.  Seriously – I will.  Even direct questions I will avoid eye contact and pretend to intently study the ceiling tiles just so that I can abstain from yelling at you from buying (and wearing) those damn boots, while at the same time avoiding catching a glimpse of them out of the corner of my eye.

If you wear them without socks I might throw up all over your feet just so that I don’t have to look at them anymore.

You’ve been warned.


A note on the title…You thought I was going to say “underwear” or “gym shorts” didn’t you?  You think you know me now?  DO YA??  Well, I probably would have.  But not today.  I like to keep things surprising!  Just like Snooki.  If Snooki could be completely unpredictable.  Which she isn’t.

That is NOT a bob

Earlier this week I was browsing around for a new hair style.  I like my long locks at the moment, but sometimes when I get bored I like to look for new haircut ideas (guess I forgot to mention that in this post).

ANYway, I searched for “bobbed haircuts”, as that’s one of the cuts I’ve been thinking of getting. You know how on Sesame Street they used to sing that song… “one of these things is not like the other”, and they’d show you a picture of 9 apples and a banana, and you had to figure out which object was different?

I guess it’s a nice round about way to teach children how to single out people who are different, but I digress.

Well, check out this picture from a website I came across:

Nearly Bald Bob!?  What the fuck!?

When the fuck is a shaved head a “bob” at all??  IT’S A SHAVED HEAD!!  No matter how you try to spin it – it’s buzzing your hair to the point that it’s NO LONGER EVEN A HAIRCUT.  I don’t think the person who designed this page got the memo.

And while we’re criticizing this person’s wild imagination on what is considered a bob… Spiky Hair Bob?  I will repeat – WTF?  That can CLEARLY only have two possible hairstyle names, and “bob” is not one of them.  It’s either Hipster As Fuck, or Jem & the Holograms.

And the one that’s called That’s Not A Bob?  THAT IS A BOB!  What the hell is this person smoking? Opposite-day-weed?

I’m sure that posting pictures and naming them on a hair style site pays just barely enough to know the difference.  I guess it probably doesn’t pay enough to give a shit, though.

So, back to the search!  Maybe I should try searching for Nearly Bald Bob and see what comes up.  Although, I have a feeling it will just be photos of some creepy-looking old dudes with receding hairlines.

—-

OK I had to try it.  It brought up a lot of images of what I expected, then it brought up this:

So yeah…. that’s gonna haunt me.  You’re welcome!

 

B.P.S.

Warning: this is another poopy post. Not poopy like bad. Poopy like poopy. Seems to be subject matter y’all enjoy. Weirdos. ;)

So, this post is about beets.  And poop. Specifically, beety poop.

Did you know that when you eat beets, your poop turns purply red? Bloody-looking. Gross, I know, but 100% true. Seriously, look it up. (side note: glitter poop is possible! see search result # 2)

Anyway. Imagine you aren’t aware of this little bit of beets trivia and you enjoy a delicious feast of beets. More realistically, someone sneaks some beets into your salad because they know you would never eat beets on your own terms.  Either way, you’ve eaten the beets and the effects are making their way through your digestive system.

Now imagine it’s the next day and you’ve sipped up your morning coffee, waited everyone out in the bathroom and enjoyed a nice, satisfying poop. But when you get up and turn around to flush, you see (don’t pretend you don’t look. you do.) a whole mess of purply red poo. Terrifying, isn’t it?!

You’re not normally a hypochondriac but suddenly you are convinced you are dying. Is purply red poop a symptom of cancer? Monkeypox? Did you catch SIDS? (that one’s for you, Beth. ;) ) Tennis elbow? That woman did sneeze near you on the elevator. Maybe it’s rabies! The Bubonic Plague? Sure, it all seems unlikely, but then, so does purple poop!

You rush back to your desk and can’t navigate to Google fast enough. As you are frantically punching at the keys, your friend dings in on g-chat:

friend: I just had a poop scare. thought I was bleeding, then realized I ate 2 servings of beets yesterday. *whew.

You pause your frenzied search… : beets??? 

friend: Yeah, there were beets in that salad I made. Eating beets turn your poop purple. Make it look kinda bloody. You knew that, yeah??

You take a second. Beets in the salad. You ate the salad. Eating beets turns your poop purple. You’re not dying!

you: yeah. course I knew that. Feel bad for the poor fool that didn’t though. Bet that was quite a surprise this morning after their coffee.

friend: ha! you totally didn’t know.

you: shut up.

Not that any of this happened to me, you understand. It’s all purely hypothetical. But if it had happened to me, I would first tell Cat how uncool it is to dose someone with beets and then I would come to my blog and impart my beet wisdom to you so that you never had to experience B.P.S.- beet poop shock.

You’re welcome.

Bored

I hate being bored.

I am bored bored bored.

SOOOOO BOOORED.

I think everyone that works a regular job has left the office already.  EXCEPT ME.

Do you know what I do sometimes when I am bored?

I look at cute little animals on Cute Overload.

Look at this cute fuckin’ lil’ guy. I mean – how fuckin’ cute is he? UGH!! SO CUTE!

OR, I mosey on over to 22 Words.  You’ll get caught in the “Just one more page… then I’ll stop…” loop.  I warned ya.

And this picture that I found there is AWESOME.

Oh, Simon Pegg – how I love thee! :D

You wanna laugh so hard you’ll pee?  Check out Texts from Dog.  He talks a bit funny sometimes (he’s British, give him a break), but it makes me giggle a lot.

Example…

Or sometimes I’ll just post somethin’ here.

Thanks for the good times folks!  And for helping me not be bored for a few minutes. :)